We got so many days in our lives, and all our lives are supposed to have a purpose, and every day we are supposed to come closer to fulfilling it -even if we aren´t at all conscious that we´re doing it- but how many of those days do we really make something of? I just had a regular day, I did stuff, I got up early, showered, admired the pretty view from my house, went to brunch with the family to celebrate father´s day, paid said brunch with the -minimum amount of – money I make, took a little stroll with the family, went back to our house, did some laundry, read for about two hours, played with my baby (i.e. my dog), cleaned my room, ate a lil’ bit, edited some photos, cleaned my computer, watched a movie, saw House of Cards, taught my mother how to use Netflix. The day was filled with activities, but all of them without impact on my life, with no meaning, it was a dull day.
Tomorrow I gotta go to my dull job, my kind of job would normally be exciting, or at least buzzy and should keep me busy, but not at this company, it is jus that. So my week will continue like this, and im so so sick of it, I just want to break free of that, do something meaningful, doesn’t have to be meaningful to the world, but yes the world should be a part of it. I guess I have been too afraid of taking the chance of doing what I love because Im afraid I´ll fail and disappoint not even me but my father.
I realised that last weekend, the way it came to me was nothing like I would ever have imagined, through someone I would´ve never even think to have an important part of an important discovery, someone I wouldn’t preferred to, at the end, I learned that this person had gone through stuff like me, which made me a little bit less disapproving of her, and more -though I hate to admit- understanding, related in a way, but that is another story.
The point is, I think this week I was trying to forget about it but today It showed. This days are dull because I have chosen that. At the beginning of this year I was determined to do the total opposite and I got started on that, I kept for a while but then as always life, or myself happened. And things got difficult, and I got scared, I guess its normal, but WE shouldn’t choose to stay that way, thats the difference between people who are happy and successful and those who are not. Now that I`m aware and conscious of what was scaring me and holding me back I should confront it and work with this issue and not let it hold me back.
As a lot of people say, as long as we keep our goals/dreams/whatever the heck you want to do in mind and don’t stop until you get it, well, you’ll get it, you’ll make it; Its as simple -didn’t say easy- as that.
Even if you’re not very sure of what you want, try to narrow those ideas and desires down and make them as tangible as you can for you and hold on to that thought. Try to move towards it and on the way you’ll start finding the missing pieces, you will start attaching those pieces in the right places until you have that complete tangible ideal of what you really want in your hands, is not that you will know because it is not something it has been there as a kind of fate or destiny thing that has been written without your contentment. It is more of a thing you make along the way because what we want or need now will be shaped into something else that`ll fulfil what we will want and need tomorrow, and as our lives go on, it’ll keep evolving -not changing-.
I also realised we should be careful of the words we choose to describe things and the meaning we give them. They may slow or fasten the journey through our goals and dreams.
So I guess my point is… tonight I choose to select my words wisely and make sure what they mean, and what they mean to me. And start doing the things that im afraid of, I will still be afraid, but with that ideal in mind, I am confident I will get there as soon as I have to. Now I also understand patience. Patience is not waiting around until something happens, patience is being certain that the results you want will happen in time while you keep working towards them. So, define what you want to live for every day, or at the very least, define the first pieces of it and work towards that goal knowing that as long as you keep at it all of the pieces will come together and will start to take shape and that will come to you when your work has made you ready for it. Decision, Patience, Work and Determination are your best allies. And while this is your goal and you should always follow your got, also remember that people will come along the way and some of them CAN and WILL help you, grab that hand, we are not completely alone, at least not always.
So what started as a drain for my feelings and thoughts today turned into a deep reflection and some sort of revelation for me, all through the writing of this. And english isn’t even my native language – as those of you who bared reading till this line may have figured out- I think I just found my therapeutic practice. Writing.
And I hope reading this helped you, just like writing it helped me. Or at least kept you entertained.
All my love
Une Fleur de Lis
I chose this song because it always gets me going and well, its a perfect shower song in case you were wondering what to hear during tomorrow’s morning shower to KICK OFF YOUR DAY. Have a GREAT WEEK!